Coming Out as a Gay Athlete, College Draft Edition

It's been a while since I've posted about gay athletes, and, my oh my, how things have changed. Michael Sam, a promising college football player, came out on Sunday night as a gay man. With NFL Draft Day just weeks away, the impact of his coming out on his draft prospects is the big question on my mind.

This post is part of a loosely-themed series that I like to call "Coming Out as a Gay Athlete." Previous posts covered an athlete's coming out, homophobia at the time of last year's Super Bowl, a fake girlfriend, a gay athlete in the '70s, stats, and more.  The big question, in my opinion, has been (and will be for the foreseeable future) how athletes and sports leagues will react to having a publicly gay athlete on their roster.

In a post last year, I posed that question about an athlete who came out and was eligible for free agency that summer. Jason Collins, who came out last April, remains without an NBA team, and I am incredibly disappointed. While Collins may not have been a superstar, he is a seven-foot player, and seven-foot players aren't easy to come by. It surprises me that absolutely NO team saw potential for him on their roster.

Michael Sam, who came out as a gay athlete this weekend, is a college football player of considerable skill. He was voted SEC Defensive Player of the Year while playing with the Missouri Tigers, and he is definitely expected to be drafted to an NFL team, perhaps as high as the second or third round. In the CBS draft report, which serves as sort of a scouting report list for prospective players, the top prospective draft picks are ranked. Prior to this weekend, Michael Sam was at no. 90, and, overnight after coming out, fell to no. 170. The rankings have since "stabilized" at no. 110, but this drop nevertheless concerns me.

Will Michael Sam get the fair chance that he deserves on NFL Draft Day?

In the past, the question of how professional sports leagues would react to having a gay athlete playing actively on their team was very hypothetical. Even in the hypothetical, the reactions were mixed. There has been a lot of support - hypothetically, of course - from players, both active and former alike, and in all of the sports. Now, though, the question comes up with a very real face and a very real set of circumstances that will reveal the impact, if any, such an announcement would have on an otherwise promising and talented player's prospects.

CBS Sports takes a guarded and ultimately pessimistic viewpoint on the impact, while others take a more optimistic and supportive stance. A number of Sports Illustrated opinion pieces reveal a thoughtful analysis of how the NFL will react, with this one, revealing the progress that gay rights in sports have made in the last several years, as one of my favorites. Most telling, though, may be the immediate support Michael Sam received from the public, including current and former players, as shown by Deadspin.

Once again, I'm hopeful that there will be a team with the courage to reward this talented player's merits without letting his personal life influence their decision. He's a good player who deserves to find a team that appreciates his strength and talents, and I wish him all the best in his future NFL career. As the Bleacher Report puts it ever so eloquently in a piece that highlights the success of Sam's contributions to his college team, "Michael Sam Being Gay Will Only Be a Distraction for Those Who Want It to Be."

I look forward to the day when the question of teammate and league reactions to having a gay athlete in their midst is a thing of the past. I look forward to the day when a player's sexual orientation isn't even a blip on anyone's radar.

Watching closely on Draft Day,
NJ

P.S. The second book in my freebie Man-to-Man Coverage series covers the main characters' coming out while active players in the NFL. I hope things go just as smoothly with Michael Sam as he begins his professional football career.

Happy new year! (No really, it is a new year...)

Happy Lunar New Year!

Today marks the first day of the year of the horse. So...happy new year! Or, as we say in Chinese, Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Celebrating the new year in my Chinese American family usually involves many traditions, from things you do (or don't do) to foods you eat (or don't eat). We ate a special meal last night to close the old year of the snake, and tomorrow we'll open the new year of the horse with another special meal. The first day of the new year is meant to set the tone for the rest of the year, so today we'll focus on enjoying ourselves, spending time with family, not doing any housework, and having a peaceful and happy day.

Here's a question for you all: Did you set any new year's resolutions this year? If not, why not set a lunar new year resolution? =D

I have this bad habit that I've been trying to kick since I was a teen. It's really gross. No really, it is. I confess: I bite and pick at my nails and cuticles. GROSS, I know. Ugh, I know, it's awful. This nervous habit had been the bane of my existence for over half my life. For the "regular" 2014 new year, I made a resolution to be done with it once and for all. On this day, 31 days later, I can say that I've been successful so far. Yay. YAY! Hoping and crossing my non-gross fingers that I can keep this up.

So in the spirit of new years, rather than kick a bad habit, I'm going to try to develop a good one in this year of the horse. Beginning today, my informal lunar new year resolution is to write for an hour a day with as few interruptions or distractions as possible. That means you, internet! I recognize this goal isn't much for a lot of authors, but with so much on my mind - between Nico's care, my now-active job hunt, and the general time-suck that is the internet - I want to make my goals realistic and achievable. Baby steps, right? So now I've got something to aim for that will hopefully help me get those plot bunnies down on paper. *shameless grin*

Speaking of Nico-kitteh, he begins his radiation therapy on Wednesday. I have high hopes that he will come through this well and be with us for many more years. The recommended treatment is quite aggressive, but I have confidence that he's receiving the best care possible that will give him the best chances possible. That said, your positive and healthy vibes would be much appreciated!

In closing, I wish all of you a happy lunar new year! Here's hoping that the year of the horse will bring us all health, happiness, longevity, and joy. =)

Gung Hay Fat Choy!
NJ

Difficult Times for the Nicos

This is a hard post for me to write. 2014 hasn't started out well, to say the least. I was sick for the first two weeks, but now I've been hit with something much harder: Nico-kitteh has cancer.

Yes, cancer.

It's hard news to take. As I'm sure you can tell, we're very close; I borrowed this pen name from him, after all. Over the years I did everything right: fed him high quality, grain free foods, took him to regular checkups, and gave him lots of cuddles and lovin'.

And now he has cancer.

In October 2013 we had a tumor mass removed from between his shoulder blades. The mass was around the size of a ping pong ball, and it only took a month or two to grow that big. He came through that surgery well, and he bounced back to his usual adorable and affectionate self. We thought that might have been a fluke - a one time thing, a growth that just appeared and then was removed. I was especially optimistic when the surgeon confirmed that the biopsy showed the margins of the removed tissues were free of cancer cells. That made me think that we got it all.

But no.

When I felt a little lump on his shoulder blade recently, I knew we shouldn't wait like we did the first time to "see if it goes down." So we had him into the vet hospital right away, and they removed the lump two days later.

But now we have to face the very real thing that the lump was not a one-time occurrence. Nico-kitteh has cancer, and given how aggressively these cells reappeared, it's likely not going to disappear on its own, even if the margins are clean again.

I cried. A lot. The ugly, blubbery crying, and it still comes and goes when I think about the situation. To be honest, I'm actually crying a little now while writing this post.

I'm not naive. I know that cats don't live forever. However, I thought that we'd have many more fun-filled, stress-free years with him. Instead, now we're faced with the question of what's best for him in the long run.

We spoke with the medical oncologist before his surgery. Apparently there's a cancer that tends to develop due to injections of vaccinations in the area between the shoulder blades. (Note to pet owners: Have your vaccine shots done on the hind legs or front paws where it's much easier to isolate problems should they arise.) He also spoke to us about treatments to address the fact that the cells didn't go away.

There's radiation therapy that would hopefully give Nico a better chance at ridding himself of the bad stuff. It's tough on cats, though, because they need to be anaesthesized each time they go under radiation. We'd also have to take him to facilities 1.5 hours away to have the treatments done. On top of all that, it's expensive. Like...really expensive. And when you take into account the cost of the surgeries, too, then this awful cancer has taken a toll financially in an amount that most people would probably say is absolutely crazy.

But here's the thing: he's my furbaby. He's my little boy. So I'm at least going to talk to the radiation oncologist to find out what we can do. And then I want to give him a fighting chance at having those many more years together.

And to everyone who says "how can you spend that much on a pet?" then I say shut the hell up. I don't want to hear it. If you're thinking it, then fine. Think it. But if you say anything to me about this in a way that criticizes me for doing what I think is best for me and for my furbaby, then you are not my friend. Period.

It's not your money. It's not your pet. It's not your life.

The way I see it, I don't have any kids. I'm not spending thousands on daycare every month or saving up to send someone to college. I don't have a mortgage. I'm lucky that I don't have any really big responsibilities at this point in my life. Nico is my responsibility. And I want to be responsible for giving him the best care possible so that he has the best chances possible at beating this thing.

Here's something that some people might have deduced about my situation from various posts or that, alternately, some of you might not know. I was a lawyer for many years and managed to save up enough money to take time off. I posted about this decision to take a sabbatical period a while ago, and I'm sure you've seen other posts where I've traveled and done some really awesome and fun stuff along the way. Even after over a year of time off, I still have plenty of those savings left. And after whatever this radiation therapy costs and whatever cancer will suck out of those funds, I'll still have more than enough as a nest egg.

So please don't judge. I know what's best for myself and for my boy-boy. Let me do what I want to do; it's not your decision to make.

That's what's happening with me. Big decisions. Big (and unsettling) news. And big hopes for a long, cancer-free future with my little Nico-kitteh. It's not often we can make decisions from our hearts and have the ability to support them. In this case, I'm doing what my heart says is the right thing to do, and that's to try to provide him with the best care possible. He'll have a chance, and hopefully he will beat cancer.

Your positive thoughts and vibes would be much appreciated as we go into this fight.

♥,
NJ and Nico-kitteh

Random Post to Start 2014: Saving Water is Sehr Importante!

Yes, I'm mixing my languages, but maybe it's actually a meta message because water conservation is a global concern. See what I just did there? :D

Here's a tangentially relevant picture from my trip to visit Niagara Falls last year. It has water in it, at least, okay?

Anyway, there's a real threat of drought here in California, which comes as a surprise to me after having spent years not living in the Golden State and in places that instead yielded feet of snow and wet weather. However, that is, indeed, the case. The Bay Area hasn't had rainfall in forever, and the reservoirs are in a dire state.

I thought I'd share a few tips because, like Aidan in BTW I Love You, I'm a bleeding heart environmental do-gooder like that. :) Now I just need my own Jake to give me mushy presents, and I'll be all good.

• Easy-peasy Tip #1 - Turn off the faucet when you're brushing your teeth. It's super easy to do and can save lots of water. I mean, why is it on, anyway? It's not like you need a security blanket-noise of water running while you're keeping your chompers pearly-white, right?
• Easy-peasy Tip #2 - If you have extra water lying around the house, don't just toss it out in the sink and let it go down the drain. Water the houseplants with it! As long as you have some hardy and healthy houseplants (and let's be honest, don't we all? Not all of us are born with green thumbs...), then give the water to the hardy houseplants and they'll say thank you by staying that way - that is, by staying hardy and healthy. Here are some ideas for water that might be wasted otherwise: (a) the used water when you change your pet's water bowl or (b) the used up ice when you empty your cooler.
• Easy-peasy Tip #3 - Don't wash your hair every day. Bathing is awesome. Yes, I'm a big fan of bathing. Just try prying that Turkish hammam kese exfoliator out of my hands or taking away my aromatherapy shower gel. So yes, bathing, I repeat, is awesome. However, most of us don't need to wash our hair every day. Most of us probably shouldn't wash our hair every day. It strips oils and can dry out your hair. So give it a shot and see if you can handle second (or third!) day hair. I'm guessing your hair just might look even awesomer than on the first day of washing it. And water-saving bonus! You just cut your shower time in half. Awesome!

Hope these tips are easy-peasy for you all to incorporate into your lives. Not only will you save water, but you'll be saving sehr viel dinero, too! ;)

Toting her reusable bag everywhere,

NJ

Holiday Stuffs with DS news, D/s news, and Christmas cuddles!

Oh, what a week it has been! =D

Huge thanks to everyone for the wonderful experience I've had with the Different Strokes release. I love the positive vibes, and being surrounded by upbeat people means that what could have been a really stressful week has instead been a fun and awesome one. *squishy hugs for everyone* Some of the reviews have really astonished me, and I'm so grateful for you all!

Congratulations to Shirra, who won the Different Strokes ebook giveaway! Thank you to everyone who stopped by for release day. If you'd like another chance at winning, Chris over at the blog Stumbling Over Chaos is hosting another giveaway of Different Strokes, so pop on by at this link and enter to win.

How's the holiday season treating everyone? I swear it snuck up on me and suddenly it's a week from Christmas. Whoa! To make up for lost time, I crocheted four scarves yesterday, and I'm also trying to get my fill of holiday stories between crocheting and eating lots of yummy holiday goodies. I managed to write a quickie post for Penny in which I highlighted some m/m holiday recs, so check it out here if you want to see me explode in candy canes all over holiday books.

Also, I have a little bit of news about another story. A couple of months ago I wrote a short story for an anthology submissions call. I finished Sex and Candy really early, and the beta readers loved it, which had me really stoked. The story kept tapping me on the shoulder while I waited for the call's due date to get a little closer. Finally, I asked the boys "what??? o_O" And the short story told me it didn't want to have siblings in an anthology; it was a needy only child. So I hemmed and I hawed and finally I thought "well, let's see what options I have, then," knowing full well that many publishing houses had minimum length requirements for their submissions.

Long story short (heh heh – short!), Sex and Candy found a home at JMS Books. ♥ Yaaaaaay! I'm SUPER excited that Lee and his Sir will have their opportunity for their own spotlight. They are needy and exhibitionist little (big) boys like that. *winks* Sex and Candy explores a D/s vibe and is smutty yet oh-so-sweet.  It's scheduled for a March 2014 release date. I hope you like it!

Finally, unless some crazy brain spaz happens in the next few days, I won't have a holiday story this year. However, if you haven't had a chance to check out my freebie A Man-to-Man Christmas, you can download the PDF on the Goodreads page here.  It's part of the Man-to-Man Coverage series, but it would work as a standalone, too. It's a sweet and super flufftastic short story with no sexytimes on the page (but lots of cheesy holiday cheer instead). =D

Happy holidays to everyone, and may your stockings be filled to overflowing with love, cheer, and good reads!

♥,
NJ

Release Day for Different Strokes, Giveaway Info & Some More Crafty Quickies!

Today is release day for Different Strokes. Woop woop! *tosses confetti* Of course that means one last cartoon from my lovely artist friend Natasha Snow:

And, yes, I freaking am IN LOVE with Darren's little face here. ❤__❤ If you wanna find out what's in the little box, check it out in Different Strokes! To celebrate release day, I'm doing a giveaway of an ebook copy to one lucky commenter! A US winner will also get a little swag pack from yours truly. ;)

If you're looking for some gift ideas of your own, here are a few DIY quickie craft projects that I'd recommend. I'm a super amateur crafter, but I found these doable!

***

1.  Rice Heat Packs

This project is the classy and fancy-looking alternative to the rice heat packs I posted this weekend. If you're interested in seeing the Winging It Rice Heat Packs version that I actually made last month, check out Sunday's crafty post.

2.  Puff Stitch Crochet Hat

I'm obsessed with this hat! I'm pretty basic with my crochet, and I found this one to be super easy to follow. The results are pretty awesome, too, and I've received tons of compliments on them already. Yes, them. I've made at least four at this point. *shameless grin* There's also a really helpful video tutorial to accompany the instructions.

3.  Unicorn Horn Headband

This unicorn horn headband is super cute and fun! Even though it's labeled as a Halloween tutorial, it'd be great for kiddos who love to play dress up. I know a certain *coughs* big kiddo who definitely enjoyed making and wearing it! Just grab some crafty materials from Jo-Ann and about an hour later, you have the beginnings of a really lovely and unique Fantasyland costume for you or the favorite kiddo in your life. :)

***

Hope everyone's having a fabulous holiday season! If you have any other crafty projects to recommend, definitely let me know. :D

GIVEAWAY INFO! One commenter will win an ebook copy of Different Strokes, and, if within the US, I'll also send a swag pack via snail mail. :D Just leave a comment below with some means of contacting you on the web (e.g., email, Goodreads profile, Twitter handle, etc.). The winner will be chosen by a highly scientific metaphorical "names in a hat" method using an Internet randomizer. ;) Contest closes at 11PM (Pacific time) on December 15th!

Live long, craft prosperously, and happy reading!

NJ

Brrrrr! Quickie craft project from yours truly!

With this winter (Wait, what? It's still technically autumn??) cold snap gripping the country in its icy clasp, any type of heat pack seems like a pretty darn good idea. Since completing this little project last month, I've seen a few DIY tutorials out there, but I actually made mine by winging it, which turned out just fine. :) I use my heat pack in bed when my toes are almost always icicles, and it has made a huge difference!

Winging It Rice Heat Packs by Nico Jaye

Here are the step-by-step winging it instructions! They might look lengthy, but that's just because I know I like things explained out to me when I do crafty stuff. I figured you guys might like that, too. :)

• Step 1: Towel-Covered Rice Pack
• Sewing
• Using a tight seam, sew two 100% cotton square washcloths together on the edges (if there's a right vs. wrong side, then sew with wrong side facing out). I did this by hand, but now that I have a sewing machine (YAY!), I'd say maybe use a zig zag stitch or something? *shrugs* :) IMPORTANT: Sew three sides completely and then leave an opening on the fourth side that's about 3-4 inches long to insert the rice.
• Flip towels so that the right side is facing outwards. Sew the two towels together using a seam down the center. The seam shouldn't start at the edge of the towels. Instead, the seam should bisect the center of the towel and be about 60% of the length. I left about 1-1.5 inches from between the edges of the towels and the start and end of my seam. This seam is to ensure even distribution and movement of the rice.
• Rice: Fill towel pack with uncooked rice (hrmmm, don't use instant rice, either) until it has a pretty good layer when lying flat. If you're gonna lie it down to test layer thickness, definitely remember to hold the opening closed! I think I ended up using about 2 cups. Pin the opening together and sew the rice pack closed.

• Step 2: Pillowcases
• Because I don't enjoy the idea of smushy rice, I realized it'd be pretty darn impossible to wash my towel pack. Thus, I decided to make pillowcases to ensure it'd stay clean. I used cotton flannel for my pillowcases, which are nice and soft against my feet, and I also designed them so that I wouldn't need to use buttons or zippers to keep them shut. :) Bonus: The flannels were on sale at Jo-Ann -- SCORE!
• Cutting: Cut one piece of fabric in the size 28 inches x 13 inches. On the two short edges (the 13 inch sides), sew a little of the edge under so that there isn't a raw edge.
• Folding:  I tried to make a little picture thing to illustrate this step! :D 

• Place the piece of fabric so that it's lying flat and horizontally in front of you (right side facing up, wrong side facing down). NOTE: This is how the fabric will be oriented for all of the folding, so there's no need to flip the entire thing over or rotate it at any point.
• (1) Fold a little flap of ~4 or 5 inches on the righthand side over until the long side of your fabric is only ~23 inches. Now you'll have a little flap with the wrong side facing up.
• (2) Fold the lefthand side of the fabric over until you have folded the fabric in half, leaving the side closest to you ~11.5 inches. The folded fabric should now be ~11.5 inches x 13 inches, and the fabric side should all be wrong side facing out.
• Sewing: Sew the two sides that are ~11.5 inches long shut. To reinforce the seams, I sewed a couple of times over the connector point where the little flap was on the inside of the folds. Now flip the whole thing right side out, and you should have a pillowcase with a little foldover flap. Tada! I made three pillowcases so that I could rotate them around when in the wash.

• Step 3: Stay warm!
• Pop the rice pack minus the pillowcase into the microwave for 1 to 2 minutes to heat it up. Watch out when handling it straight out of the microwave because it'll be pretty hot.
• Tuck the rice pack into the pillowcase and enjoy!

I hope this little creation helps keep at least some of you warm this season--just as toasty-comfortable as all of the great holiday stories out there! :)

Hope you all are staying warm and that you have plenty of warm and fuzzy fiction to keep you cozy this season!

Curling up with her heat pack and holiday stories,
NJ

P.S. I actually have another warm-and-fuzzy cartoon that my awesome friend Natasha provided to give y'all a taste of the flufftastic scenes in store for you with Different Strokes. Check out this cutie right here:

Heee! Poor boy. *squishes him*